Is Jacob Zuma the Tiger Woods of African Politics?

A letter from a student to the president


Dear Mr President Jacob Zuma

After having read the front page story of the Sunday Times (31/01/2010), I feel compelled to write to you as this ordinary citizen that I am. Because I am a commoner, my judgment of your actions could be regarded as disrespect. Equally you might be indulging in all these sordid acts because you feel that you cannot be questioned and brought to book.

As a young man I have an interest in the way in which those in power are behaving, so as to ensure that we have good, moral and ethical leaders to look upon. A public figure who does not inspire confidence or does not conduct themselves in a manner that seek to inspire development of society, should be eliminated from the limelight and sent into the deepest of corners so that their misleading acts are shunned. To me you happen to be such an individual.

In your address during your inauguration and also in your first State of the Nation address, you emphasized greatly on moral regeneration. The reason why religion has seemingly failed to produce members that embody the values taught in religious institutions is because the preachers themselves are failing to be upright leaders who live out what they preach. You are such a preacher to me.

Given your past record that displays you as a man who is easily tempted by indulging in sexual intercourse, it is very difficult for me to throw water over the claims made by the Sunday Times. To me it is irrelevant that the person you impregnated is the daughter of Dr Irvin "The Iron Duke" Khoza, I would still feel the same way even if it was just yet another woman. If this baby was born under normal circumstances, it means that you must have slept with this lady around January 2009.

During the same time you had already paid Lobola for Thobeka Madiba-Zuma and you were planning your wedding day with her. At the same time you were already having the pleasure of being attended to by two wives. I suppose given that you were busy campaigning for the 2009 General
Elections, the challenges that you faced couldn't be accommodated by
your wives, you needed to find solace and release your masculine energy
on another woman outside wedlock.

What nauseates me the most is the fact that this lady got pregnant,
meaning you had unprotected sex yet again. To me it is clear that you
have unprotected sex with your wives, because you do it so easily with
"omakhwapheni". It means you are a risk to your wives, because you seem
to be fishing for HIV, so that you can take the catch home and
distribute it evenly amongst them. Unless there is preventive medication for HIV that you have and we the ordinary people do not have access to.

The Zulu Kingdom should be ashamed at how you have paraded their culture of polygamy, a culture that is in fact to me very demeaning of women. To me it symbolizes true qualities of chauvinism and patriarchy, whereby if a man is not satisfied with one woman, then they can go get another. Meanwhile society would vilify a woman who would take a second man. Polygamy also promotes cheating on your wife, because you must first know the second wife, well in your case sixth, intimately on stolen moments away from your wife. So during that time you are lying to your wife or wives claiming to be seeing no one besides them and even to God, whom you made such a pact with when getting married.

Polygamy reduces women to objects that are used to just satisfy the egos of many men out there, who see having many women as a sense of
superiority and achievement. To me this is a very small minded sense of
thinking.

I cannot have you preach morality to me when you partake in such
disgusting acts that make me feel if only I was not a South African.
When a sex scandal broke off about Mr Bill Clinton, he had to step down
as President of the USA . The President of the World Bank stepped down
after such allegations were tabled against him. However to you it is
just yet another day another dollar and nothing will happen, because you are hiding behind tradition and using it to camouflage your helpless sexuality.

You are a man who does not respect women clearly, a man who does not
believe in treating your wives with the best respect they deserve. I
doubt maKhumalo is happily married to you, but she is probably fearful
of what shall become of her if she were to leave you. It is unfortunate
that the majority of the people in your organization find your acts
acceptable; it goes to show how the morals of the ANC have become
fragmented over the years.

You occupy the highest seat in our land and many people will find a way
of using your acts to justify their mistakes and atrocious behaviors
which resemble yours. You are not a beacon of hope to me, but rather
that one of disaster.

It is impossible that you could raise all your 20 children, so it means
that you promote unstructured families whereby kids grow up with single
parents. You promote and justify cheating. You promote for society to
discredit the three pillars of fighting HIV, because you do not Abstain, you do not get to Be Faithful, you do not Condomize.

What are you good for? Absolutely nothing. You are shaming our country
and making it seem as if we are unable to be led by principled leaders.

You are a health risk to your wives, you are a financial risk to the
taxpayers who must pay for your opulence and you still pledge your
support to communists.

I ask of you to step down as President, before you turn South Africa
into a quagmire that resembles your sexual life and its animalistic
behaviors.



Written by: Lukhona Mnguni

South Africa Due for a Chuckle

For a really good analysis of the challenges facing South Africa in the now inaugurated "Jacob Zuma era," take a look at this piece by South African author/journalist William Gumede. Unlike his predecessor, Thabo Mbeki, who was something of a stick in the mud, Zuma promises to be a boon for political satirists and cartoonists.

The controversial South African cartoonist, Zapiro, has already gotten a head start with his infamous caricature of Zuma that includes a shower head embedded in Zuma's skull, a reference to Zuma's remark that he never worries about getting AIDS because he showers after having sex.

For another example of South African political humor, yesterday, I asked a friend in South Africa for her views on the election. This is what I got back. (DA refers to the opposition liberal party, Democratic Alliance, headed by white South African, Helen Zille):

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."

She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a DA supporter!"

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be an ANC government official"

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."

(First published April 27th, World Politics Review)

Bring Zuma His Machine-Gun

There were long odds against the corruption case of African National Congress leader Jacob Zuma going to trial in the midst of his bid to win the presidency in upcoming South African elections. As I have written in previous posts, the ANC is starting to bear an eerie resemblance to political parties elsewhere on the continent, in both its sense of entitlement as well as its manipulation of democratic processes.

But now that South Africa's National Prosecuting Authority has decided not to pursue the case, the former head of the authority's elite Scorpions anti-corruption unit, Leonard McCarthy, is now in the hot seat. McCarthy, who currently leads an anti-corruption unit at the World Bank, was allegedly caught on tape discussing the timing of the release of incriminating evidence against Zuma with former South African president and Zuma rival, Thabo Mbeki. If true, McCarthy may have not only blown his biggest investigation from his time as head of the Scorpions, he may also have put his new World Bank post in jeopardy.

Whatever their outcome, the upcoming elections are surely ones to watch. Zuma is a firebrand populist who, with the weight of an impending prosecution lifted off his shoulders, may decide it's time for a little payback. With a campaign song entitled Bring Me My Machine Gun, Zuma is certainly a man with a plan.

(First published April 8th in World Politics Review)

South African Scorpions Lose Their Sting

Two weeks ago, the parliament of South Africa -- essentially an arm of the ruling African National Congress party -- voted to abolish the Directorate of Special Operations and fold their jurisdiction into the work of the National Police. The move surprised no one but has angered many. Over the course of its nine year existence, the independent crime fighting unit of the National Prosecuting Authority, colorfully known as the Scorpions, has brought charges against current ANC head -- and presidential heir-apparent -- Jacob Zuma, as well as other high-profile ANC-supported figures such as former National Police Chief Jackie Selebi and Winnie Mandela.

Critics argue that many of the Scorpion's investigations were selective and (especially the Zuma probe) politically motivated. Defenders claim that the Scorpions were among the few institutions that kept South Africa from becoming a kleptocrat's paradise. But given that South Africa has some of the worst set of crime statistics in the world, it seems odd that the country's lawmakers would choose this moment to eradicate the Scorpions by blending them into the far less effective National Police.

In a recent poll conducted by TNS Research Surveys, almost 60 percent of South Africans contacted believe that the Scorpions should be retained. Various lawsuits have been launched on their behalf, but the die is cast. The Scorpions' former boss, Leonard McCarthy, has already been recruited by the anti-corruption unit of the World Bank (after being labeled a subversive by members of the ANC's executive committee), and all members of the unit have been asked to either interview for other jobs within the police and civil-service or to hand in their resignations. To no one's surprise, many members are simply walking away in disgust.

In a sense, the fall of the Scorpions also reflects the fall of Thabo Mbeki. In 1999, Mbeki was viewed as a cosmopolitan reformer. The creation of the Scorpions was one of the most potent symbols of his desire to change the direction of South Africa's drift towards criminal anarchy. His view of the unit changed, however, when former Police Chief Jackie Selebi, his friend and supporter, was investigated last year for alleged ties with organized crime figures.

Nevertheless, Mbeki launched an independent evaluation of whether the Scorpions should remain apart from the police. The Khampepe Report, named after the judge who headed the investigation, concluded that the Scorpions needed reform, not disbandment. It suggested that officers be selected more carefully and that the Scorpions be kept out of matters of state security and intelligence gathering.

The report was finished several years ago but only released to the public recently, too late to save the Scorpions and perhaps too late to allow the South African people to decide who they want as their watchdogs.

It seems increasingly as if the ANC's goal is to make itself indistinguishable from the government of South Africa, even though it is technically just another political party. By claiming the mantle of symbol of the "people," it has implied through its actions -- if not its legislative agenda as yet -- that any efforts to challenge its authority are unpatriotic, subversive and politically motivated. In the United States, arguments such as these would be met with derision. In South Africa, where the political landscape is completely dominated by one party, they are a hammer by which the ANC dominates its critics.

Published in World Politics Review, Nov. 5, 2008